Most people can remember some experience with a bully while growing up. Unfortunately, bullies still cause psychological and physical damage to other kids. Bullying is when one or several youth employ physical, emotional, or verbal abuse to make life miserable for another. Bullying is not normal childhood behavior and should not be dismissed as “kids will be kids. Youth routinely victimized by bullies may experience anxiety, insecurity, and low self-esteem. Chronic victims of bullying may need professional help as much as the bullies do.
Some experts suggest that changing attitudes and involvement of kids who witness but are not victims of bullying may have the greatest impact on bullies. Since bullies love an audience, a bystander’s encouragement or toleration of the bully will make the bully stronger. Training through role-playing can help youth recognize a potentially harmful situation and assertively do something positive. By simply saying, “That’s not cool,” a bystander can stop a bully’s activities. Youth need to know that taking a stand for what is right can be very effective.
Youth have fully embraced the Internet and electronic technologies as both an environment and a tool for socializing. Cyberbullying, or electronic aggression, is being cruel to others by sending or posting harmful material or engaging in other forms of social aggression electronically.There are increasing reports of using these methods to post damaging text or images to bully their peers or engage in other aggressive behavior. Parents should be aware of this newer style of bullying, and be aware of and discuss with their children the following issues connected with it:
- Electronic methods are available 24/7.
- Digital material travels fast, even if the intent is that it was sent privately.
- Communication can be anonymous
- There may be reluctance to tell parents because they are emotionally traumatized, think it is their fault, or that their electronic communication will be taken away. Stress with your children that it is important to report this type of behavior. For more information on cyberbullying go to: Cyberbullying: What Parents and Educators Can Do.
Typically, assertive, self-confident children do not become victims of bullying. Youth usually are singled out because of psychological traits such as extreme passivity, sensitivity to criticism, or low self-esteem. Here are some things parents can do if they suspect their child is a victim of a bully:
Listen to your child’s reports of being bullied and take it seriously.
Recognize the symptoms: Lost or torn clothing, unexplained bruises, fearfulness or anxiety, moodiness, withdrawn behavior, a drop in grades, lack of friends, loss of appetite, unexplained reluctance to go to school, or sleep disturbances.
Ask questions. Ask your child how he or she is spending lunch break, before and after school. Ask what it’s like riding the bus or walking to school. Ask if there are peers who are bullies without asking whether your teen is being bullied. Encourage speaking out.
Report all incidents to school authorities to combat the bullying. Keep a written record of who was injured and who you reported it to.
Teach your child how to avoid the situations that expose him or her to bullying.
Teach your child how to respond to aggression. With bullies, they should be assertive and leave the scene without violence. Role-play with your child how to react and respond. Do not tell youth to strike back. This gives the message that the only way to fight violence is by using more violence. It makes them feel that they need to solve the problem alone and that parents and teachers don’t care enough to help.
Eliminate violent games, TV shows, and movies as much as possible. Learn how the media encourages teens to watch rather than react. Discuss and model cooperative, non-aggressive ways to solve problems.
Here’s what you can do if your child is exhibiting bullying behavior:
- Objectively evaluate your teen’s behavior.
- Teach youth to recognize and express emotions non-violently. Emphasize talking out the issue rather than hitting.
- Teach conflict-resolution skills.
- Promote empathy by pointing out the consequences for others of verbal and physical actions.
- Model toward your child the kind of behavior you want him or her to exhibit to others.
- Make it clear that aggressive behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.
- Explain the difference between tattling and telling. Tattling is when you report something just to get someone in trouble. Telling is when you report that you or someone else is in danger.
When aggression is tolerated, everyone loses – the bullies, the victims, and the bystanders. They are all learning that violence is acceptable, and that is not the lesson we want to teach our youth.
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